Here’s to every drink I’ve drank
And every power chord I’ve played
Here’s to all the floors I’ve slept on
Here’s to each forgotten name
Here’s to all the welcomes I’ve worn out over time

It’s been a good life, more or less
But dammit, I’m still trying

Life’s too short for Girth Control

There’s not enough time in the day
And if you hold the beer bong to your ear

You can almost hear 'em say

Here’s to every nap I’ve taken
I’ve loved you all the same
Here’s to all the nights I wasted
Playing dumb video games

Here’s to all the couches I’ve worn out over time

It’s been a life of laziness
But dammit, it’s been mine

Life’s too short for Girth Control
There’s not enough time in the day
To behave irresponsible
To pick up a guitar and play
Pick up a guitar and play

Are you as stupid as you look 
or even dumber than I think you are?

Let me get this straight: you keep playing music

Even though you’ll never be a rock star

Why do you keep playing for free drinks in these shitty bars?
Stuff your overpriced gear into your shitty car
A little round of applause from the other bands
At least the ones who don’t have drinks in their hands

Your little victories aren’t progress

Nobody’s impressed with your childish bullshit
Haven’t you had enough fun in your life?

Haven’t you had enough beer?
Aren’t you ready to move on to the next phase?

You only get so many years


I’m telling you, life’s too short for Girth Control

You’ve got your head way up your ass
As I tap the invisible watch on my wrist and laugh
And laugh
And laugh
Come on, funny guy
Don’t you want me to laugh?

I coulda walked away from this
Such a long long time ago
Set my mind on any other goal
Like golf or math or fatherhood
But it sure feels good just playing in the band

I coulda walked away from you
Before we saw this whole thing through
I could have bailed at any time
But I’m still trying, yeah I’m still trying
And I guess that’s pretty cool

I’m trying not to forget
Not to have no regrets

Not to hedge all my bets
I’m trying not to forget
Not to have no regrets
Not to pack up my shit
Turn my amp off and just fucking quit

I could sail away to middle class middle age
Display all my guitars in my kick-ass man cave
But as long as blood pumps to my big stupid brain
We’ll be here in the basement just cracking away

And you’ll hear me say

Life’s too short for Girth Control
Yeah, all the doubts creep in your head
Maybe you can finally clean the shed
And fix that goddamn sink again 


I’m trying to create something
Man, I think about it all the time
Art is hard but it’s who we are

To deny our muse would be a crime
I might not be making Mozart
Hell, I might not be making sense
I might not be making money
But I made a bunch of real cool friends



But you wouldn’t get it
You wouldn’t get it
You wouldn’t get it
You don’t understand

I’m trying to be supportive
I know that you’re following your dreams
I don’t hear too much rehearsing

But I sure do smell a lot of weed

And I know that I shouldn’t listen
To what my friends all say to me

Comparison’s the thief of joy
It’s pretty deep stuff
But you wouldn’t get it

You wouldn’t get it
What’s there to get?
You wouldn’t get it
God, you dudes sound like shit
You wouldn’t get it
You call that a band?

You don’t understand
You don’t understand

Life’s too short
Life's too short
(You wouldn’t get it)
Life's too short
Life's too short
(You wouldn't get it)
Life's too short
Life's too short
(You wouldn’t get it)
Life's too short
Life's too short

Don’t stop having fun
Or start losing hope
Just sing all your songs
And tell all your jokes
Just say...

Life’s too short for Girth Control
There’s not enough time in the day
To behave irresponsible
To pick up a guitar and play
Just pick up a guitar and play

(Sing it, Jay!)